My journey, not yours

If there's one thing I've learned so far in life, it's that it's beautiful, crazy, doesn't always make sense, and it's worth it.

I may be gullible, I may fall in love and trust too easy, but I gain something each time.  Through every twist and turn, I have figured out what is acceptable for me and what is not.

I know that I want to share my life with someone.  I want to wake up with someone in the morning (not just my dog).  I want to come home and make dinner for two, go to the gym together or sit back, watch the game and rub his feet.  Terrifying.  I would have never guessed that I would think I was missing this.

Something that I realize again and again is that some men will tell you anything that you want to hear because they think that it will help their chances.  The part that I don't get is that I respect a man who is honest, who calls it like he sees it, what he wants- the man who doesn't play games.  For some reason I keep finding the men who want to whisper the sweet nothings and expect me to drop everything and come running when they ask.  That's my problem.  For the woman who is a realist, I have this bizarre notion that when it comes to possible love, that a man only has the best intentions and doesn't want to fuck with my head or heart.  This amuses me to no end.  One would assume that a girl with my outlook would call everyone's bluff and make a man earn my respect and trust.

Maybe it's time to turn a new stone.  No more jumping.  No more believing.  No more wishing for what a man isn't telling me that he wants.  

It's my turn to be pursued.  My time for a man to prove to me that he wants to be with me.

This should be an amusing endeavour.  I'll keep you posted.  Guess I should get used to continuing to wake up alone (but with my dog), doing my solo workouts, making dinner for one with some leftovers for lunch.  It's time to get fired up for my journey.  

My next 30 years...

In 59 minutes I enter a new decade of my life.  In 59 minutes I am 30 years old.

In my early 20s, I placed a lot of stock on thinking about my future and why it wasn't here yet.  I would question when I would get married, when I would have kids, when I would move out.  I wasted a lot of time on "when".

Now I could give two flying shits.

I have accomplished a lot in my first 30 years.  Yes, I have made mistakes, but who hasn't?  I've looked for love, I've been heartbroken, I've worked crappy jobs for crappy pay, I've drank too much, sworn too much and indulged too much. All of these things made my 20s.  

I know that no matter what I will be successful.  My parents instilled in me a spirit to achieve, to be a hard worker and to look after my family and myself.  I have amazing friends and an amazing family.  I can't even begin to say how grateful I am.

I'm not scared of turning 30.  I'm quite excited to enter a new chapter of my life and this time I'm not asking "when" questions.  I'm making now goals.

For my 30s, I have made a to do list.  The items are in no particular order and trust me, I know some are time sensitive.  

To do:

- go to Australia

- learn to hunt

- go to Italy

- go bungee jumping

- go zip lining in Vegas and Whistler

- go fishing with my Dad

- learn how to make wine with my Dad and Nono

- drive across Canada

- live somewhere other than BC

- run a 10K

My next decade.  Some of them will be done in my first 5 years.  No more "when".  It's time to "do".

I'm not going to lie.  I'm most likely going to still drink too much from time to time, fall in love and keep breaking my heart, and swear a little more than a lady should.

In 50 minutes, I will be 30.  Goodbye 20s, it's been a slice.  Thanks for the memories, they were some of the best.  I'm making it out without too many battle scars.  Here's to my next 30 years.

Thankful

It's been awhile.  What can I say, it's been a busy few months.  I'd like to say that I've developed some sort of clarity, found a sense of purpose and in some ways maybe I have.  One thing is for sure, I've developed gratitude.

I adopted a dog.  It's strange, but I feel that this act has really given me something to be happy about.  I love my dog and the love that she gives me is unconditional.  She wags her little tail when ever she sees me and man does she like to cuddle.  I might have saved her, but she saves me a little every day.

I met a guy.  Well, I've known the guy for ages.  Turns out he was a giant douche.  But that's life.  I don't have to play his hand.

I've been able to spend countless hours around the sport that I love.  Countless.  It has helped to reinforce my intelligence.  

I have been the shoulder for friends and family and in a lot of instances I have had to lean on them as well.

I have a good job.  I pay my bills, I'm comfortable and I do not worry for money. 

I'm grateful for my lot in life.  Grateful for these things and so many more.  I don't give a shit that I'm not married, dating, have children, or make a 100K a year.  This is my life and I decide what makes me happy.  One thing over these past few months that has been key is that I have decided that I am happy.

The world we live in

Earlier today I had the pleasure of seeing a post on Facebook that got me thinking.  A lot.  There's no denying it, the world has changed and we are the reason why.  A lot of the changes have been beneficial, but I'm going to hazard to say a lot of the changes have also been detrimental.

In North America, we have always been known to be a society that is more individualistic, less community-oriented.  This saddens me.  People in you life- friends and family- always say that they'll be there for you if you need them and hell, you say the same for them.  At the end of the day though, it's all about me, myself and I.  It's like that for all of us.  I wish it were different.

The other day, I was sitting in a coffee shop with a friend and I saw that everyone was on their phone, computer or iPad.  This didn't surprise me.  What surprised me was that these people were all with other people- friends, family or colleagues, but no one was talking to one another.

I've come to realize what a slave to technology I have been.  I'm going to revert, try a bit of a simpler existence, an experiment.  What's the point in viewing life through a filter?  Keeping in contact and knowing what my friends are doing via their FB, Twitter, and Instagram updates?  If these people are as important to me as I like to think and that I am to them, why can't we pick up the phone or meet for coffee for 30 minutes or grab a beer to watch the game?

So here's to my experiment.  Here's to not checking my phone when I'm in the presence of other people.  Here's to experiencing life again.  Here's to what my life was like before I was constantly plugged in.  I have a feeling it's going to be amazing.  I'll let you know how it goes.  

As for that video I saw on FB, I'll attach it here, it's worth a look.  Why miss out on life and the experience?  Like the author states, life is finite.  No regrets.

https://www.facebook.com/jenn.forlin/posts/10154155830805226

Señor! Dos piña coladas!

Otra vez, Otra vez!

The week can't be almost over.  Simple as that.  Been poolside for 6 hours now.  In and out of the water.  This is heaven.  I'm going to miss Mexico.

I haven't been out and about this trip,  but that has suited me just fine.  Usually my adventurous nature means that I have a very different kind of vacation.  I actually made it a goal from the start of this trip that I was going to relax- drink, suntan and do absolutely nothing.

Benjamin, my stunning waiter, just asked me if I wanted 2 more.  He said sure, so I guess I'm having dos more piña coladas. While in Rome! Err, I mean Mexico.

I'm going to miss this.  I said that already, but honestly, I am not looking forward to work on Monday. Maybe that says something.  Maybe it's time to address what I want to do.  Figure out who I want to be when I grow up.  If only I could transplant to Mexico.  I know I can to Europe.  Maybe it's time to look at those options.  Espana?  Italia?  I could always lease my condo fully furnished.

Dammit the travel, gypsy bug is back.  But alas, here are my bevies and my friends at the pool bar are calling with tequila.  Looks like it's gonna be one of those days and nights.  Otra vez, otra vez!

Take a selfie

Selfies.  I'm guilty of them.  Who the h isn't?  Here I am sitting poolside in Mehico, sipping a piña colada that is made with tequila for some ungodly reason and lo and behold, what do I see in the pool?  A señorita taking a selfie.  Wtf.  Let's be honest, she's probably a local and who's to say if I weren't back home that I wouldn't be selfie-ing it up?

At least while I've been on vacation I've managed for the most part to stay off my phone.  Granted I'm typing this in my notes now.  I've made the drunk texts to some friends, babbled about grandma Ruby to gfs who have had the pleasure of meeting her, and snap chatted because this is the world we live in.

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the only reason I'm not taking the famed selfies is because of my glorious sunburn.  At least I haven't fallen on any turtles.

Look!  It's a selfie!

If it smells like a psycho, it's probably a psycho.

Those my friends are words to live by.

Let's get a few things out of the way to start.  I love life.  I love experiences.  I love happiness.  I also love the negatives that life has to offer.  You may think I'm certifiably insane, but that's my perogative. 

So here we go:

- I have forgotten how many boys I have dated

- I definitely don't know how many men I have dated 

- I can remember all of my exes names and phone numbers

- I have online dated, more than once, and I will most likely never do it again

- I have met significant others organically

- I have met possible suitors organically

And let me tell you the age-old rule of if it smells like a psycho, it's a psycho and you should run.  And some of those gentlemen have be capital "P" "Psycho".

I recently met a said human being.  Very charming, very handsome, seemed to have some good things going.  I gave him my number.  Bad idea.  Such a bad idea.  Dude is cray.  And by cray, I mean he thinks it's okay to degrade women, use obscene language, and insinuate that he's the shit and it's my loss.

I'm sorry but can someone please explain to me when it became normal for someone to go apeshit crazy when you have met someone once, talked to her for maybe 4 hours?  This is ridonculous and needs to stop.  There's a reason you're single, dude.  There's a reason your ex screwed you over.  And it's definitely not me or her being the problem.  Guess who it is?  Yep, you're right, YOU!  You earned a gold star, in reality, you're probably closer to earning a restraining order and something tells me that you know what that's like.

Don't get me wrong I believe that people deserve a chance until they've proven that they don't deserve a chance.  Looking back at my past debacles of relationships I realized once upon a time me would have probably delusionally given this crazy horse a chance.  Thank God I have grown the eff up.  Chalk it up to learning from experience.

To the future gentlemen that I might undoubtedly meet, although, I love the experience, I could do with a little less bizarre.  Please take heed to the following requests:

- don't be a psychopath

- don't be a sociopath 

- don't be a crazed addict- drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts, and the emotionally demented need not apply

-  fellows living with moms because it's just easier that way, please walk on by (I get if there's legitimate reasons, but if you're 30 living with ma and pa because you can, please leave)

- have a career, not just a job

- have goals and them not be just video-game related

- want a girlfriend, best friend and possibly one day a wife and a family (note there is no rush with this)

- be into health

- be supportive of the people in your life

- be understanding

That's the list of my new requirements.  If you don't have those or don't foresee attaining those qualities, do a majority of woman-kind and especially myself a favour and pound sand.  Quit reproducing.  I mean it, quit.  Capital Q.

Women- if you don't have these requirements, get a grip.  Or jump off a bridge. Please also stop reproducing.

I would really like to know how natural selection enables the physically superior of species, however within humans, the idiocy continues to reproduced with.

This was a bizarre post and I'd like to apologize.  On the other hand, I think I got the point across- if it smells like a psycho, it's most likely a psycho.  Run. Like. The. Wind.  And then call the cops.

Bloody hell with a cherry on top

If that subject line confused you, it's clearly done it's job, impeccably.  This post is probably going to be one of the most random entries to date, so prepare yourself.

I have been hopped up on antibiotics and some sort of inhaler since Friday.  Oh goody.  My favourite part of being sick is the crazy drugs that are prescribed to you where the side affects include things like dizziness, nausea, dry throat and another all time fav not included on my current list is hallucinations.  Not even going to lie.

Try going to a movie on a drug that causes hallucinations and see what happens when you're walking down the stairs from your seat and it looks like shit is flying at you.  I bet you $10 that that flying crap is going to make you go off balance and you're gonna tumble down the stairs.  Yeah, I'd win the 10 bucks, cause folks that has happened to me.  Surprisingly in that lucid, high state, I did not break a bone, but throw me in any other bizarre situation and you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm going to either break something or tear a ligament.  

Anyhow, let's be honest, being sick ain't for the faint of heart.  But there's only one  direction when you reach the bottom, and lets hope that that's up.  Because if it really means that I'm gonna roll around on the ground, dry heaving, and coughing up my right lung, I'm effed.

That's what I got to say about that.  Now off to take a couple puffs. Of. My. Inhaler. Jeez Louise, get your head straight.  This is a family-friendly blog (we can hold onto hope, realistically, if children are reading this, there's some bigger issues at hand).

Good night folks.

I'm good at dating...

Not!

So, let's just say, I'm not the most gifted or lucky in love.  I am a put her heart on her sleeve, give you the shirt off my back (if flashing were okay) type of girl and usually it means that I'm hypothetically topless and alone.  How does that happen?

Anyways, I'm sure I could read up on women with daddy issues, how women don't fall to their gender roles and look after themselves, or about how men genuinely only want the size 0, blonde, newly legal bimbo telling me why I'm single.  But I think I'm just gonna go with my singleness is a purely "me" issue.  I find men who need work.  I like a good fixer upper.  The problem with this idea is that eventually you burn out.  The relationship becomes completely lopsided and then you're capsizing like the freaking Titanic.

So, here's the thing.  Maybe it's best to be single and ready to mingle until you figure your shit out.  I've been single a lot,  I've also had a lot of relationships that I learned more about numero uno- moi.  I'm not saying I'm a serial dater, but I've been open to the experience.  And man, has it been a ride.

I'm showing my exes one day at a time that I'm better off without you, but I'm better off as well from knowing you.  There's a frightening thought cause some of you were freaking headcases.

Well, there you have it folks, that's the relationship/single bubble in a nutshell.

Now bugger off.

And the beat goes on...

Sometimes people can get so absorbed in their own lives that they forget that the world is out there carrying on without them.  Sometimes I am that particular person.

I usually pride myself on being in tune to other people.  I like to ensure that there is a level of balance, peace or equilibrium in all of my relationships.  In saying that, it's easy for me to revert back into myself so that I can recharge.

I think that the biggest thing for me to learn is to stop giving so much of myself to one person or multiple people. I've never been big into New Year resolutions and have always thought if there's something that you're unhappy with, you should just change it.

Maybe 2014 I will make a resolution or two.  The resolution will be to follow through.  Now doesn't that sound lovely?

Pep talk- buying a house style

So, I've been looking to buy a place for the past few months.  I've gone from buying used to new, back to used.  I've looked at townhouses, apartments, and investing with my parents in a single family home, which in fact would be a dual family home...

The fact of the matter is that in less than a year I will be 30 and I might still be living at home with my parents and my two younger brothers.  And that petrifies me.  Seriously.

When my Mom was 29, she had already popped out two kids and was on her way to being mortgage-free with my Dad.  Granted, I get that the times are a changing.  I know I haven't met Mister Right (I did meet a Wright, but that was all wrong) and buying a place by myself is really the smartest thing that I could do.  But I can't help but wonder, how many people are like me out there?  We're twenty and thirty-somethings and we're living the dream at home with ma and pa.  And by dream, I mean nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but there's something about spreading your wings and being self-sufficient and doing whatever you want.

I took a Stats Can call the other day and was intrigued by my responses.  So intrigued that I look forward to seeing the current stats in Canada about whom lives with whom and how old all those cool cats are.  Buying a place on a single income is one scary mofo of a situation, so why not live with the 'rents a little longer?

My Grandmother advised me the other day that I should be asking my Dad for help to buy a place, because, as she put it- my brothers can go out and find wives, while I most likely will end up alone.  Well, Happy Holidays to you too my dear Grandmother.  Sheesh.  And I've travelled with you.  I have listened to your inane dating fiascos and I'm going to be the old spinster....  I feel like Mindy from the Mindy Project, except I don't live in NY, I'm not a rich, successful doctor, and well yeah.   So really, not like Mindy at all.  That's about it.

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not bitter.  I accept that I might not have the fairy tale ending with Prince Charming, but damn, a little help?  I'm nifty.  I like sports.  I like beer and can drink whiskey.   And I throw a mean right hook when I need to.  This really doesn't sound like the enticing summary of an online dating profile...  But I don't want that.  I am happy being alone.  I know who I am.  I know what I want, what I will accept and what I won't.  And at the end of the day, I have me and I love me.  I have fantastic friends and family and no bs about wondering when Capitain D-bag is going to call.  You might think I'm jaded, but I call it realistic.  And let's face it, I'm fantastic, and I'm buying a condo by myself.  Preferably before I'm 30.  

An asshole is always an asshole

After a few glasses of vino, oh who the hell am I kidding, how about a bottle, I have found my thoughts lingering towards you.

While I've deleted you from my phone and told you I don't want to talk to you again, I actually feel an intense need to message you.  I know you're no good for me and I highly doubt that you even think of me.  But that is what bothers me.  How could I have gone for the safe bet and have you end up a complete and utter asshole?  How could I have thought that someone as timid as you would have turned out to be a jerk?

I know that not everyone is going to mesh, in my mind, I thought we would.  I thought you would have seen that.  Here I am on a couch, in a room that we have once been in and I'm wondering if any of it ever meant anything or if it was just a pile of shit.

Neither here nor there, it really doesn't matter anymore.  You wanted to maintain a friendship, but when it came down to it, you didn't respect me enough to show me what a friendship would mean.  I'm better off without you and everyone I've talked to believes the same thing.  I would have been what you wanted or needed because I cared and loved you, but you were never going to be what I wanted or needed.

It's heart breaking, but it's just another chapter closed.  Another disappointment that will lead down the road.  I know one day I will find what I'm looking for and honestly you probably never will.  I thank you for the lesson, for the fun times while they lasted and for the sheer sadness that's left me feeling like this.  You'll never read this, but at least it's better than maintaining some illusion of contact.

I might write my memoirs one day and you will be in them.  You will be the portion of the man who made me love him, but never had any intention of loving me back.  You, my friend, are a coward, as Bob Marley said.  Thank you.

Random

It's been awhile, what can I say.  Life is interesting to say the least.  I've learned a lot over this past year.  Just last month marked a year since my injury.  I've started bootcamp and now do Pilates a couple of times a week.  I'm on a mission.  My mission is health and there's no looking back.

Not only is physical health my goal, but also ensuring that my mental health stays in the right zone.  Over this past year, I have been involved in a somewhat tumultuous relationship.  I've cared for the man and loved him, hoping all along that it would reciprocate.  Over the past 11 months, awaiting him to make up his mind, has left my self-esteem low, my heart broken a few times, and a general level of disdain towards the whole situation.

Finally it's completely over.  We are going to try to be friends, but I don't know what that looks like and most of my friends don't get why I would want to maintain a friendship with him.  In all honesty, that's just the person that I have always been- the one who puts herself last and is always concerned about the other party.  I really as truly believe that that is my downfall.  I don't foresee myself changing who I am as a person, so I guess I will see if he actually wants to maintain a friendship.

In the meantime, here's to Bootcamp, Pilates, eating clean, meditating, and feeling comfortable in my skin again.  I have a lot of self-love, it just so happens that sometimes it gets questioned.  Here's too my 29th year.  Here's to the year that I meet my health goals.  And here's to the year where I don't allow a man to decide my value.

Almost there

I'm not fully healed by any means, but I'm happy to say that as of Tuesday, I will be back at work.  That's exciting business.  My first day back will include an interview for a full time position.  Stoked.

I finally got the new knee brace this week and as of yesterday, I have been approved to do squats in my exercises.  Words cannot express my excitement.  Who knew that I would be stoked about squats?!?  Not me, that's for damn sure.

I have come to a lot of realizations since I have been off.  I have re-evaluated what I want in terms of my health- physical and mental, relationships, and my career.  I am not surprised by any of my realizations, I guess it was just time for me to decide to act on them.  So here we go.

The focus for the remainder of 2013 will obviously entail full rehabilitation of my leg, the remainder of my weightloss journey, a push in my career and mainly a  sincere focus on my friends and family.  Looks like a lot, eh?  It is a lot, but at the end of the day, it's all for the betterment of myself.  Kind of selfish, but I'm the one living my life and it is all about me.

42 days injured has turned into something much more.  I shouldn't have titled this "42 days injured"- it should have been called "42 days of healing" or something somewhat deep like that.

It's been a slice.  You'll have to stay tuned for more, this blog is pretty much finished.  I will keep you updated as the rehab continues, but those will just be milestones and reek of excitement and awesomeness.

I think that my next blog will be about the remainder of my weightloss journey.  Got a little ways to go, but I'm driven.  I'm not ending up on a surgery table again, I will not be scared of ever having a blood clot, and I sure as hell am not going to let someone else tell me my future.

Over and out friendos.

Dance dance

I can't actually dance, I chair dance.  

Quite random.  

So, the knee.  Things are looking up.  Saw the specialist yesterday, been okayed to go back to work gradually.  As of the 27th, I will be back 5 days a week at 4 hours a day to build up.  This will go on for 4 weeks.  Pretty exciting business.

My physiotherapist is in Bali now, lucky girl and she won't be happy to know that next week I get to start hammy work.  Apparently I could have been doing hammy work since the start of physio...  Good of the specialist to let us know the protocol he gave us was for an ACL hamstring graft reconstruction.  I probably could have been a lot further along.  C'est la vie.

I went and visited my work yesterday, dropped off the dr note and saw my coworkers.  I've missed them.  I will be back in no time though.

It's a long weekend and usually I would be preparing for a rodeo excursion, but that won't be going down this year.  I'm going to have the pleasure of seeing some amazing people tomorrow and firing up the BBQ.  

Anyways, 42 days injured is drawing to a close.  The rehabilitation part as noted in previous posts will continue.  I can't wait to share my progress.  I have some lofty goals ahead, but I'll get them done.

Talk to ya soon!

Odds and sods

The Italian invasion has left.  I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I would have liked, but that's the nature of it.  All of the family comes out to see my Nonni when they are in town, and so they should.  It just means that I will have to go visit more.

This past week has been one of those weeks.  I've been walking, but the pain has shot up, I still don't have the right knee brace, so back to a crutch I go.  Have to protect the graft.  This process has kind of started to get me down, but then I remember it is what it is.  Rehabilitation will be 7 months prior to even running.  Yikes.  First things first.

Last week marked the 9th year since my Papa's passing.  He was a peach.  One of the kindest souls I have ever known.  They just don't make 'em like him and my Nonno anymore.  

Maybe I will become a crazy cat lady (but with dogs). My Nonno kept asking me this weekend when my wedding is.  I laughed, he then asked if I like girls- no Nonno, I very much like men.  He told me that if I go to church, God will send me a prince- sweet thought, but I don't think that's how it works.  Oh Nonno.  Just because I'm his only single granddaughter, pushing 29 and living with my parents doesn't mean that I am a failure...  On second thought, maybe it's time to move out.  Budget time.

Adios and catch ya later.  Odds and sods for sure.

Invasion!

It's the invasion of the Italians this weekend.  You cannot even begin to understand how stoked I am.  S T O K E D.  Simple as that.

My Nona and Nono are in town today to celebrate her 80th birthday party with a bunch of Italians who came off the boat the same year as her.  That's what I've heard anyways, it might be slightly different than that.

I love it when I get to see my grandparents.  I used to actually go stay with them for 3-4 weeks in the summer when I was younger.  I don't get up there as much anymore which is really quite sad.  I need to do that.  I have been lucky to know both sets of my grandparents and I thank my lucky stars for that.

Something about spending time with family, reminiscing, hearing about the old days, it really puts things into perspective for someone.

I am looking forward to some good company, good food and good wine.  

Also, I am looking forward to catching the NLL championship game this weekend.  Yep, that's random.

Well, til I see you again.  I'm going to finish getting my hair did and pick up some items for dinner.  Then drink some wine and espresso.  Jealous much?

Ciao bella!

Living the dream

It's been a glorious few days. I have appreciated the ableness to drive again and have put a substantial amount of miles on the good ol' Cabrio. It is top down weather you know.

Since the last post, I have also started walking. Now this is the bees knees. I have to count my blessings that I have not had to suffer an injury that affects my upper body, other than a broken thumb a time or two (touch wood)- but being unable to walk sucks. Walking currently entails minor tasks, not prolonged in duration, and then a speedy requirement of elevation and icing. Still no work until the week of May 20th.

Physio was painful yesterday, but it is what it is. I have the battle wounds of colourful bruises to prove it. I think my therapist takes great joy in inflicting discomfort, but she is awesome and making me better, so I go with it. Also I have been fitted for my knee brace. I chose a pretty nifty green one, because well it didn't come in black and mauve just ain't my style. I just have to wait for it to be approved. Fingers are crossed that it's a speedy process. Evidently I am going to be wearing this brace for everything for 6 months. What the business. And then 6 or more months after that I get to wear it for physical activity.

This is a sentilating post, isn't it? You wish you were as cool as me.

Oh side bar- B's stagette has been booked!! CAN NOT WAIT! I will be rocking out the emerald knee brace at the beach, winery, and wherever else I see fit. I should probably tell her not to worry about seeing the thing in the wedding pics- I'm nice and will take it off for photos.

It's all a day in the life of me. Read 'em and weep. Catch ya on the b side.

Which of these three don't belong?

Absolutely randomness today. The coolness of the day is described below:

1- approved to drive by my physio. This means that Marley got to rock out with the top down. Also, this means that there is freedom for me now. Excursions will be had.

2- physio was awesome. Said awesomeness at physio was due to swelling being down and being okayed to book my ACL brace fitting.

3- shopping at The Bay and sushi with my broski.

4- booking ACL brace fitting apt and a hair apt.

5- tanning in the sunshine with Kale. Self explanatory.

6- watching a lax game in T-3hours.

7- obviously the Canucks winning tonight's game.

These are some of the reasons today rocked. Don't be jelly.

Inspiration? Nah, just me.

No matter what I have done in my life or will do, I highly doubt that I will be considered an inspiration to anyone.  I don't know if that is a lack of self confidence, humbleness, or just plain idiocy.  All I know is that everyone goes through things in his or her life and some people will look at those trials and tribulations as something amazing and take from it.  Some people might find some things that I am going through to be interesting, but let's not use the word inspiration.

My physiotherapist made a point of asking me if I would speak to one of her clients when she came in on Monday.  I had already had my treatment and was doing my exercises in the gym and my physio brought Tae to see me.  Tae had an ACL surgery a week after me and her progress is substantially different from mine.  Now, we understand that everyone heals different, but Tae seems to be extra cautious and extremely worried about the healing and possibly developing a blood clot.  Now as someone who has had 4 knee surgeries, an ankle surgery and a blood clot, we figured that it might help Tae get some perspective.  I spoke with Tae for probably 5-10 minutes, reiterated the importance of the cryocuff, elevating, doing exercises and not being afraid to move (she lays in bed a majority of the day and feels sorry for herself).  I told her that it is normal for people to experience depression when they go through things like this- God knows I have previously.  Things seemed to sink in a little.  I told her that if she is concerned about a blood clot, to ensure she is acquainted with the symptoms (Google) and have the nurse's hotline around so that she can call and tell them her symptoms and that they can advise her if she should go to emerg.  Today when I saw my physio she asked how the conversation went, I let her know and she thanked me.

The progress that I have made so far has really surprised my therapist, but it is what it is. I made a point of ensuring before surgery that I was in the gym and moving a lot. Pre- and post- surgery I was petrified of developing a blood clot again, so I repeatedly told my surgeon of this concern. He approved me to do light stretching and of course the ABCs to help prevent this. I really do feel that the early movement, coupled with my desire to bounce back fast has been key to the milestones that I have achieved so far. Granted, the milestones don't mean that I will be at work any sooner, due to all of my rehab and specialist appointments and well of course, not pushing myself too hard to the point of re-injury.  As of today, I am down to one crutch. I am in the gym or at physio daily. I just broke 30 minutes on the recumbent bike today, it felt so good, and my RPMs were actually above 50. Last week, it was pushing it to be at 26 RPMs. Slowly but surely, I am getting there. I miss work and my colleagues, but I will be back in 19 days. The time has gone surprisingly fast. Initially, it seemed to drag. But being off the pain meds, I can think more clearly and I actually end up accomplishing something with my days. Thank goodness that I have a high pain tolerance.

While I was doing my exercises today, I couldn't help but notice another patient in the gym with me.  She was probably slightly older than I, and she seemed to be babying her leg, however, her exercises were more difficult than mine and she did not have a brace.  Of course, with my curiousity, I decided to strike up a conversation with her.  She fell at work and tore meniscus and as she said "chipped" her cartilage.  I asked if she had had surgery, she said not yet, that she was waiting for her MRI results.  I couldn't believe her disdain for her exercises and the sass that she was giving the kinesiologist.  I guess some people just don't push through it and play the victim.  Rehabilitation is really no different than any other fork in the road, you can take either path and they will get you to where you need to be, but it's a matter of how you want to experience the journey.  You can be negative and whine and feel sorry for yourself or you can suck it up and say, this is what needs to be done and I am going to do it.  I have chosen the latter.  I don't want to feel sorry for myself and I, for damn sure, want to do everything in my power to prevent this from ever happening again.  Some poor sap might find that inspirational, but really, let's face it, it's just common sense.