My journey, not yours

If there's one thing I've learned so far in life, it's that it's beautiful, crazy, doesn't always make sense, and it's worth it.

I may be gullible, I may fall in love and trust too easy, but I gain something each time.  Through every twist and turn, I have figured out what is acceptable for me and what is not.

I know that I want to share my life with someone.  I want to wake up with someone in the morning (not just my dog).  I want to come home and make dinner for two, go to the gym together or sit back, watch the game and rub his feet.  Terrifying.  I would have never guessed that I would think I was missing this.

Something that I realize again and again is that some men will tell you anything that you want to hear because they think that it will help their chances.  The part that I don't get is that I respect a man who is honest, who calls it like he sees it, what he wants- the man who doesn't play games.  For some reason I keep finding the men who want to whisper the sweet nothings and expect me to drop everything and come running when they ask.  That's my problem.  For the woman who is a realist, I have this bizarre notion that when it comes to possible love, that a man only has the best intentions and doesn't want to fuck with my head or heart.  This amuses me to no end.  One would assume that a girl with my outlook would call everyone's bluff and make a man earn my respect and trust.

Maybe it's time to turn a new stone.  No more jumping.  No more believing.  No more wishing for what a man isn't telling me that he wants.  

It's my turn to be pursued.  My time for a man to prove to me that he wants to be with me.

This should be an amusing endeavour.  I'll keep you posted.  Guess I should get used to continuing to wake up alone (but with my dog), doing my solo workouts, making dinner for one with some leftovers for lunch.  It's time to get fired up for my journey.  

My next 30 years...

In 59 minutes I enter a new decade of my life.  In 59 minutes I am 30 years old.

In my early 20s, I placed a lot of stock on thinking about my future and why it wasn't here yet.  I would question when I would get married, when I would have kids, when I would move out.  I wasted a lot of time on "when".

Now I could give two flying shits.

I have accomplished a lot in my first 30 years.  Yes, I have made mistakes, but who hasn't?  I've looked for love, I've been heartbroken, I've worked crappy jobs for crappy pay, I've drank too much, sworn too much and indulged too much. All of these things made my 20s.  

I know that no matter what I will be successful.  My parents instilled in me a spirit to achieve, to be a hard worker and to look after my family and myself.  I have amazing friends and an amazing family.  I can't even begin to say how grateful I am.

I'm not scared of turning 30.  I'm quite excited to enter a new chapter of my life and this time I'm not asking "when" questions.  I'm making now goals.

For my 30s, I have made a to do list.  The items are in no particular order and trust me, I know some are time sensitive.  

To do:

- go to Australia

- learn to hunt

- go to Italy

- go bungee jumping

- go zip lining in Vegas and Whistler

- go fishing with my Dad

- learn how to make wine with my Dad and Nono

- drive across Canada

- live somewhere other than BC

- run a 10K

My next decade.  Some of them will be done in my first 5 years.  No more "when".  It's time to "do".

I'm not going to lie.  I'm most likely going to still drink too much from time to time, fall in love and keep breaking my heart, and swear a little more than a lady should.

In 50 minutes, I will be 30.  Goodbye 20s, it's been a slice.  Thanks for the memories, they were some of the best.  I'm making it out without too many battle scars.  Here's to my next 30 years.

Thankful

It's been awhile.  What can I say, it's been a busy few months.  I'd like to say that I've developed some sort of clarity, found a sense of purpose and in some ways maybe I have.  One thing is for sure, I've developed gratitude.

I adopted a dog.  It's strange, but I feel that this act has really given me something to be happy about.  I love my dog and the love that she gives me is unconditional.  She wags her little tail when ever she sees me and man does she like to cuddle.  I might have saved her, but she saves me a little every day.

I met a guy.  Well, I've known the guy for ages.  Turns out he was a giant douche.  But that's life.  I don't have to play his hand.

I've been able to spend countless hours around the sport that I love.  Countless.  It has helped to reinforce my intelligence.  

I have been the shoulder for friends and family and in a lot of instances I have had to lean on them as well.

I have a good job.  I pay my bills, I'm comfortable and I do not worry for money. 

I'm grateful for my lot in life.  Grateful for these things and so many more.  I don't give a shit that I'm not married, dating, have children, or make a 100K a year.  This is my life and I decide what makes me happy.  One thing over these past few months that has been key is that I have decided that I am happy.

The world we live in

Earlier today I had the pleasure of seeing a post on Facebook that got me thinking.  A lot.  There's no denying it, the world has changed and we are the reason why.  A lot of the changes have been beneficial, but I'm going to hazard to say a lot of the changes have also been detrimental.

In North America, we have always been known to be a society that is more individualistic, less community-oriented.  This saddens me.  People in you life- friends and family- always say that they'll be there for you if you need them and hell, you say the same for them.  At the end of the day though, it's all about me, myself and I.  It's like that for all of us.  I wish it were different.

The other day, I was sitting in a coffee shop with a friend and I saw that everyone was on their phone, computer or iPad.  This didn't surprise me.  What surprised me was that these people were all with other people- friends, family or colleagues, but no one was talking to one another.

I've come to realize what a slave to technology I have been.  I'm going to revert, try a bit of a simpler existence, an experiment.  What's the point in viewing life through a filter?  Keeping in contact and knowing what my friends are doing via their FB, Twitter, and Instagram updates?  If these people are as important to me as I like to think and that I am to them, why can't we pick up the phone or meet for coffee for 30 minutes or grab a beer to watch the game?

So here's to my experiment.  Here's to not checking my phone when I'm in the presence of other people.  Here's to experiencing life again.  Here's to what my life was like before I was constantly plugged in.  I have a feeling it's going to be amazing.  I'll let you know how it goes.  

As for that video I saw on FB, I'll attach it here, it's worth a look.  Why miss out on life and the experience?  Like the author states, life is finite.  No regrets.

https://www.facebook.com/jenn.forlin/posts/10154155830805226

Señor! Dos piña coladas!

Otra vez, Otra vez!

The week can't be almost over.  Simple as that.  Been poolside for 6 hours now.  In and out of the water.  This is heaven.  I'm going to miss Mexico.

I haven't been out and about this trip,  but that has suited me just fine.  Usually my adventurous nature means that I have a very different kind of vacation.  I actually made it a goal from the start of this trip that I was going to relax- drink, suntan and do absolutely nothing.

Benjamin, my stunning waiter, just asked me if I wanted 2 more.  He said sure, so I guess I'm having dos more piña coladas. While in Rome! Err, I mean Mexico.

I'm going to miss this.  I said that already, but honestly, I am not looking forward to work on Monday. Maybe that says something.  Maybe it's time to address what I want to do.  Figure out who I want to be when I grow up.  If only I could transplant to Mexico.  I know I can to Europe.  Maybe it's time to look at those options.  Espana?  Italia?  I could always lease my condo fully furnished.

Dammit the travel, gypsy bug is back.  But alas, here are my bevies and my friends at the pool bar are calling with tequila.  Looks like it's gonna be one of those days and nights.  Otra vez, otra vez!

Take a selfie

Selfies.  I'm guilty of them.  Who the h isn't?  Here I am sitting poolside in Mehico, sipping a piña colada that is made with tequila for some ungodly reason and lo and behold, what do I see in the pool?  A señorita taking a selfie.  Wtf.  Let's be honest, she's probably a local and who's to say if I weren't back home that I wouldn't be selfie-ing it up?

At least while I've been on vacation I've managed for the most part to stay off my phone.  Granted I'm typing this in my notes now.  I've made the drunk texts to some friends, babbled about grandma Ruby to gfs who have had the pleasure of meeting her, and snap chatted because this is the world we live in.

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the only reason I'm not taking the famed selfies is because of my glorious sunburn.  At least I haven't fallen on any turtles.

Look!  It's a selfie!

If it smells like a psycho, it's probably a psycho.

Those my friends are words to live by.

Let's get a few things out of the way to start.  I love life.  I love experiences.  I love happiness.  I also love the negatives that life has to offer.  You may think I'm certifiably insane, but that's my perogative. 

So here we go:

- I have forgotten how many boys I have dated

- I definitely don't know how many men I have dated 

- I can remember all of my exes names and phone numbers

- I have online dated, more than once, and I will most likely never do it again

- I have met significant others organically

- I have met possible suitors organically

And let me tell you the age-old rule of if it smells like a psycho, it's a psycho and you should run.  And some of those gentlemen have be capital "P" "Psycho".

I recently met a said human being.  Very charming, very handsome, seemed to have some good things going.  I gave him my number.  Bad idea.  Such a bad idea.  Dude is cray.  And by cray, I mean he thinks it's okay to degrade women, use obscene language, and insinuate that he's the shit and it's my loss.

I'm sorry but can someone please explain to me when it became normal for someone to go apeshit crazy when you have met someone once, talked to her for maybe 4 hours?  This is ridonculous and needs to stop.  There's a reason you're single, dude.  There's a reason your ex screwed you over.  And it's definitely not me or her being the problem.  Guess who it is?  Yep, you're right, YOU!  You earned a gold star, in reality, you're probably closer to earning a restraining order and something tells me that you know what that's like.

Don't get me wrong I believe that people deserve a chance until they've proven that they don't deserve a chance.  Looking back at my past debacles of relationships I realized once upon a time me would have probably delusionally given this crazy horse a chance.  Thank God I have grown the eff up.  Chalk it up to learning from experience.

To the future gentlemen that I might undoubtedly meet, although, I love the experience, I could do with a little less bizarre.  Please take heed to the following requests:

- don't be a psychopath

- don't be a sociopath 

- don't be a crazed addict- drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts, and the emotionally demented need not apply

-  fellows living with moms because it's just easier that way, please walk on by (I get if there's legitimate reasons, but if you're 30 living with ma and pa because you can, please leave)

- have a career, not just a job

- have goals and them not be just video-game related

- want a girlfriend, best friend and possibly one day a wife and a family (note there is no rush with this)

- be into health

- be supportive of the people in your life

- be understanding

That's the list of my new requirements.  If you don't have those or don't foresee attaining those qualities, do a majority of woman-kind and especially myself a favour and pound sand.  Quit reproducing.  I mean it, quit.  Capital Q.

Women- if you don't have these requirements, get a grip.  Or jump off a bridge. Please also stop reproducing.

I would really like to know how natural selection enables the physically superior of species, however within humans, the idiocy continues to reproduced with.

This was a bizarre post and I'd like to apologize.  On the other hand, I think I got the point across- if it smells like a psycho, it's most likely a psycho.  Run. Like. The. Wind.  And then call the cops.